Monday, September 19, 2005

Thoughts After The Emmys

A few thoughts that didn't occur to me last night as I was experimenting with semi-live blogging.

Item: You either love Blue Man Group or you don't, but I thought the way they were used to introduce the Reality-Competition Emmy was the most innovative thing of the night.

Item: Someone at Media Bistro commented that "When the cameras showed Les Moonves the second time, Julie Chen was clearly seen sitting next to him." Dude, buy a program - they've been married since Christmas, they get to go out together in public and everything.

Item: Who did Patricia Arquette's hair? Seriously I think that hairdo was created in the 1940s and mutated in a lab somewhere. Still, her gown shows why some of us love her - no sign of anorexia there.

Item: Naveen Andrews is getting serious MILF action from Barbara Hershey. Not that I object, but she's old enough for me to have lusted for her when I was a teenager - after I saw the 1972 Playboy pictures from Boxcar Bertha. And how is it life affirming for her to be sleeping with someone 21 years younger than she is but if I did it I'd be a dirty old man (or fashionably rich - or both)? Sorry, just venting.

Item: Guys have it easy at these things. Their basic choices are long tie or bow tie, and if a long tie then what colour. No one cares who designed your tux, what jewelry you're wearing - which is usually confined to a watch and a ring or two anyway - and the business of the colour of the moment is a non-starter. Basic black all the way.

Item: If it matters to anyone Trump and Mullally won Emmy Idol. Do you think next year we could possibly have Dancing With The Emmy Stars instead?

Item: I'm still bummed that Terry O'Quinn didn't win for Supporting Actor In A Drama.

Item: Did anyone catch the look on Trump's face while he was listening to Brokaw and Rather? Was it disinterest, disdain, disgust or dyspepsia?

Item: I like Ellen - remember that bio-rhythm thing I had a couple of months ago that said she was my ideal woman, and hey I don't mind if she brings Portia along (if I were spending any length of time with me I'd want to bring someone else along) - but for some reason she wasn't as funny as I know she can be. Then again a lot to jokes seemed to be lying on the floor having drawn their last breath. Few of the participants had the style of a Johnny Carson to rescue the jokes. Hey Bryce Zabel even agrees with me on Ellen.

Item: I didn't watch all of the late feed of the Emmys just the parts I missed while burning dinner. Caught Pearl Harbor during the attack scenes - even worse than everyone said (they did it better when the movie was called Wings and it was a silent about World War I) - and last season's West Wing finale. Vote Santo-McGarry!

Item: The whole "Eva Longoria didn't get nominated so she's being treated badly" thing sort of worked when Ellen did it, not when the others in the cast did.

Item: You've got to admit that S. Epatha Merkerson losing her speech down her dress was pretty funny; funnier than Alan Alda theatrical ripping up his acceptance speech for another award he didn't win - and another award he really didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning.

Item: Here's some rules about speeches that award shows should probably adopt, at least the Oscars and the Emmys: If the word supporting appears anywhere in the name of your category you get less time than if it doesn't; the moment any actor mentions either their agent or their publicist except in joking terms the music starts playing. Also the Winston Churchill rule should apply to written speeches - he once chided a young MP for his speech by saying that there were three things wrong with it: "You read your speech. You read it badly. It was a bad speech." I can probably live with reading your speech, but any hint of the other two starts the music playing.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've said everything about this year's Emmys I want to say.

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